Landlords March in “Landlords Day Of Action”

A satire of #RentersDayofAction, September 22, 2016.

On Thursday September 22, thousands of landlords nationwide took a break from making repairs to participate in the “Landlords Day of Action” trending on social media. The event was intended to highlight the need for new laws and zoning in New York, California, and especially Massachusetts that would lower the cost of housing by speeding evictions and creating slums.

“We’re marching with our partisan, half-baked ideas because those ideas are the best,” said Doug Quattrochi, Executive Director of MassLandlords.

Massachusetts landlords have proposed barring attorneys from the court room, since they only prolong the inevitable and rack up fees. A landlord who faces one average eviction every five years must charge 3% more each month just to break even.

Landlords on Twitter had been using hashtag #JustCauseMoveOut since early March, when it was proposed that tenants be forced to continue renting unless they had “just cause”. Turnover vacancy is directly responsible for 5 to 10% of the price of an apartment.

As early as 8am Thursday, Boston landlords had been seen streaming toward Beacon Hill with signs addressing the high cost of modern safety. One read, “Clean away the sanitary code.” Another read, “I will not fix this gas leak for you or anyone!”

Bobby Barkeep, owner of Thirst-of-the-Month, a bar overlooking Government Center with four pristine residential units above, said, “I get inspected all the time. I fix everything out of my own pocket. That’s why my apartments are wicked expensive. It’s time to start letting things slide.”

Other landlords seemed to be off-message. Lindsay Landlord said, “My tenants just bought an inefficient GE washing machine because they don’t pay for water and don’t care about conservation. I can’t charge them under the law. Now I have to raise the rent. Make GE Pay! Make GE Pay!” Other landlords picked up “Make GE Pay” and turned it into a chant.

A rally was held in front of Millennium Tower Boston. Mindy Manager said, “I don’t think people appreciate the wastefulness of sprinklers, two kinds of smoke detectors, and carbon monoxide detectors in each apartment. I mean, how often is there a fire?”

Tina Tenant, a Millennium resident who overheard Manager, said, “That’s so stupid. I’d rather get another roommate to help me pay more rent than risk my life in a death trap.”
Manager retorted, “Yeah but you can’t, because that would put you at ‘four or more unrelated people’.”

According to the 2016 report by the Massachusetts Senate Special Commission on Housing, Massachusetts housing production fell by 80% from 1960 to 1990. By 2040, 435,000 new homes must be built, mostly in multifamilies. Few municipalities zone for increased density.

“I’m lucky to be in Watertown,” said Babs Haircurler, owner of a micro-favela on Main St. “You think this could exist in Cambridge? My vision is slums as far as the eye can see. I really want to help create affordable housing.”

It was expected that #LandlordsDayofAction might trigger violence. Some of the organizers were trained by the far-right group PINECONE, which was shut down in 2010 after staff were caught advising landlords to break the law. Fortunately, no protestors had to be arrested.

Amanda Advocate of La Vida Loca turned out about 10 tenants to counter-protest. “I think landlords really don’t understand the complex issues at work here. I blame our legislators. They can’t seem to bring people together to address zoning and the lack of housing supply.”

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